On the day:
20/05/2013
On the way:
She's got him on a tight leash, the inquisitive young staffie, black and sleek as a sealion fresh from a morning dip, and the doorway of a busy bus is bursting with intriguing odours and ankles...
"Stop it. C'mere."
She's having none of it, eventually. They're off to the back of the bus.
"C'mon." The leash has no more give. Perhaps it's time to behave.
"Get down." Perhaps not.
"Mika, get down. I'm not even joking."
Crikey. Now you know she means business.
On the pod:
Everything Means Something - Pet Shop Boys
On the front page:
Football stars' father on sex charge (London Evening Standard)
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Rub of the purple
On the day:
20/05/2013
On the way:
She twitches at the bus stop, her long blonde ponytail flicking. She shuffles her feet and rubs the sides of her breasts through her personalised West Ham United replica top. For luck?
The bus arrives and she's last to board. It appears something's amiss.
"Cos she never 'ad no change, did she?"
Hey, who's telling this story, me or you, old lady in the seat behind me?
Anyroad, short story shorter, the bus is held up for a few minutes, maybe a few more - the swarthy staffie snuffling around the exit door proves a distraction - as she hitches up her faded magenta jeans and trots from newsagent to laundrette to newsagent in search of the relevant coins, then returns and off we go. So, success of sorts for her.
Plus, West Ham have had a decent season and secured Premiership football for another season.
Hmm.
I pull on my Tottenham Hotspur beanie and lift my hands to my man boobs...
On the pod:
Stay The Night - Green Day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjQoWfstQUU
On the front page:
Tory rebels set to inflict new defeat on Cameron (The Times)
20/05/2013
On the way:
She twitches at the bus stop, her long blonde ponytail flicking. She shuffles her feet and rubs the sides of her breasts through her personalised West Ham United replica top. For luck?
The bus arrives and she's last to board. It appears something's amiss.
"Cos she never 'ad no change, did she?"
Hey, who's telling this story, me or you, old lady in the seat behind me?
Anyroad, short story shorter, the bus is held up for a few minutes, maybe a few more - the swarthy staffie snuffling around the exit door proves a distraction - as she hitches up her faded magenta jeans and trots from newsagent to laundrette to newsagent in search of the relevant coins, then returns and off we go. So, success of sorts for her.
Plus, West Ham have had a decent season and secured Premiership football for another season.
Hmm.
I pull on my Tottenham Hotspur beanie and lift my hands to my man boobs...
On the pod:
Stay The Night - Green Day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjQoWfstQUU
On the front page:
Tory rebels set to inflict new defeat on Cameron (The Times)
Friday 17 May 2013
Low visibility jacket
On the day:
16/05/2013
On the way:
The laundrette door swings open and out he trots, the short, grizzled, bearded man in the green cammo combat trousers and the and the grey cammo combat jacket, and straight into the sluggish mid-morning traffic.
And disappears from sight. Obviously.
He'll be lucky not to be hit by a car, concealed like that.
On the pod:
Runaways - The Killers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJKLKNmy4M8
On the front page:
Recovery in sight, declares Bank chief (The Times)
16/05/2013
On the way:
The laundrette door swings open and out he trots, the short, grizzled, bearded man in the green cammo combat trousers and the and the grey cammo combat jacket, and straight into the sluggish mid-morning traffic.
And disappears from sight. Obviously.
He'll be lucky not to be hit by a car, concealed like that.
On the pod:
Runaways - The Killers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJKLKNmy4M8
On the front page:
Recovery in sight, declares Bank chief (The Times)
Tuesday 14 May 2013
That special sometimes
On the day:
14/05/2013
On the way:
Sometimes, rarely but sometimes, through the window of the bus someone may spot someone else walking along the pavement, and they'll know that is the one, the one for them. Forever.
Maybe her rich red hair falls to her shoulders and she smiles as she walks, a broad smile that gives you a jiggly feeling in your chest as though your heart were fluttering.
And sometimes, if you're very lucky, she's your wife.
On the pod:
After Hours - The Bluetones http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJdJczfxwto
On the front page:
Sex slave ring in London flats is smashed (London Evening Standard)
14/05/2013
On the way:
Sometimes, rarely but sometimes, through the window of the bus someone may spot someone else walking along the pavement, and they'll know that is the one, the one for them. Forever.
Maybe her rich red hair falls to her shoulders and she smiles as she walks, a broad smile that gives you a jiggly feeling in your chest as though your heart were fluttering.
And sometimes, if you're very lucky, she's your wife.
On the pod:
After Hours - The Bluetones http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJdJczfxwto
On the front page:
Sex slave ring in London flats is smashed (London Evening Standard)
Monday 13 May 2013
Secret sentinel
On the day:
13/05/2013
On the way:
He's not a big guy, average build, 5' 7'' maybe, but there's something special about him.
Not that you'd spot it past the khaki jacket, the grey cargo pants, the dark blue and light luminescent-green trainers, as he strolls up the slope to the station, as he passes his left hand through his glossy upstanding crop of chocolate brown hair, as he sucks on the cigarette wedged between the forefinger and bare ring finger of his right hand. It's a brilliant disguise.
Especially the cigarette.
Because what about the disc-shaped satchel on his back, black with a white circle? What could it be concealing? What but the star-studded shield of the sentinel of liberty?
All sensible answers to be treated with the contempt they deserve.
On the pod:
Without Love - Bon Jovi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88BvhTbt8Ko
On the front page:
Extremists preaching to students in Britain (The Times)
13/05/2013
On the way:
He's not a big guy, average build, 5' 7'' maybe, but there's something special about him.
Not that you'd spot it past the khaki jacket, the grey cargo pants, the dark blue and light luminescent-green trainers, as he strolls up the slope to the station, as he passes his left hand through his glossy upstanding crop of chocolate brown hair, as he sucks on the cigarette wedged between the forefinger and bare ring finger of his right hand. It's a brilliant disguise.
Especially the cigarette.
Because what about the disc-shaped satchel on his back, black with a white circle? What could it be concealing? What but the star-studded shield of the sentinel of liberty?
All sensible answers to be treated with the contempt they deserve.
On the pod:
Without Love - Bon Jovi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88BvhTbt8Ko
On the front page:
Extremists preaching to students in Britain (The Times)
Sunday 5 May 2013
It's so easy
On the day:
02/05/2013
On the way:
One stop on from where a McOutlet coincides with a bus halt, she's settled at the back corner.
Literally. Literally her bottom covers one and a half seats, and denim effect stretch leggings cover her bottom. It can't be easy for her. But the McMilkshake in her right paw, the bulging brown paper McTakeaway bag that occupies the remaining half seat can't help.
Two stops pass and she's off again, bag in one hand, shake in the other.
All too easy, perhaps.
On the pod:
Pale Shelter - Tears for Fears http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_kN_DJQJ3U
On the front page:
Google tax 'lies' (Metro)
02/05/2013
On the way:
One stop on from where a McOutlet coincides with a bus halt, she's settled at the back corner.
Literally. Literally her bottom covers one and a half seats, and denim effect stretch leggings cover her bottom. It can't be easy for her. But the McMilkshake in her right paw, the bulging brown paper McTakeaway bag that occupies the remaining half seat can't help.
Two stops pass and she's off again, bag in one hand, shake in the other.
All too easy, perhaps.
On the pod:
Pale Shelter - Tears for Fears http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_kN_DJQJ3U
On the front page:
Google tax 'lies' (Metro)
Pavement policy
On the day:
01/05/2013
On the way:
The bus appears, the stop is still some way and the race is on... until it is close enough for us - the lanky youf in the black hoodie, black trousers and aquamarine blue trainers and me - to see the sign: NOT IN SERVICE. We slow down to a stroll and assess the situation.
We reckon it's a Goverment scheme aimed at exercising the legendary legions of the obese. Although, my new companion notes, them people is all in the McDonald's, the one we've just passed. Besides, they wouldn't run for the bus; they'd, perhaps wisely, just walk the short distance from from the 'restaurant' to the stop and wait for the next service.
So perhaps, we decide, the solution is to ban fast food joints from setting up within a 500-metre radius of a bus stop. Problem solved. Job done. Oh, and here comes our bus now.
And that, Mr Hunt, is how to make health policy.
On the pod:
Edie (Ciao Baby) - The Cult http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiuuYXyBIYM
On the front page:
Bones 'found at home of April suspect' - Metro
01/05/2013
On the way:
The bus appears, the stop is still some way and the race is on... until it is close enough for us - the lanky youf in the black hoodie, black trousers and aquamarine blue trainers and me - to see the sign: NOT IN SERVICE. We slow down to a stroll and assess the situation.
We reckon it's a Goverment scheme aimed at exercising the legendary legions of the obese. Although, my new companion notes, them people is all in the McDonald's, the one we've just passed. Besides, they wouldn't run for the bus; they'd, perhaps wisely, just walk the short distance from from the 'restaurant' to the stop and wait for the next service.
So perhaps, we decide, the solution is to ban fast food joints from setting up within a 500-metre radius of a bus stop. Problem solved. Job done. Oh, and here comes our bus now.
And that, Mr Hunt, is how to make health policy.
On the pod:
Edie (Ciao Baby) - The Cult http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiuuYXyBIYM
On the front page:
Bones 'found at home of April suspect' - Metro
Mum's best friend
On the day:
18/04/2013
On the way:
The great brindled mastiff stands alone at the metro market door, its leash slack. No threat, it gazes longingly through the glass.
And wonders whether Mum has remembered the cream cheese.
On the pod:
Woman Like A Man (Live) - Damian Rice http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnxRXJ3lGic
On the front page:
18/04/2013
On the way:
The great brindled mastiff stands alone at the metro market door, its leash slack. No threat, it gazes longingly through the glass.
And wonders whether Mum has remembered the cream cheese.
On the pod:
Woman Like A Man (Live) - Damian Rice http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnxRXJ3lGic
On the front page:
Save your kisses
On the day:
15/04/2013
On the way: "Kisskisskisskisskiss," requests the woman's voice. "Kisskisskisskisskiss."
And again: "Kisskisskisskisskiss," a deep breath intended to stimulate excitement, "Kisskisskisskisskiss."
Whatever the response, it's not enough. "Kisskisskisskisskiss," the voice requires. "Kisskisskisskisskiss."
And on it goes.
Now I don't know about you, but where I work, HR would call that sexual harassment.
On the pod:
Gawd Above- John Fullbright http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1WYCSshf6s
On the front page:
Trapped in the nest (Metro)
15/04/2013
On the way: "Kisskisskisskisskiss," requests the woman's voice. "Kisskisskisskisskiss."
And again: "Kisskisskisskisskiss," a deep breath intended to stimulate excitement, "Kisskisskisskisskiss."
Whatever the response, it's not enough. "Kisskisskisskisskiss," the voice requires. "Kisskisskisskisskiss."
And on it goes.
Now I don't know about you, but where I work, HR would call that sexual harassment.
On the pod:
Gawd Above- John Fullbright http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1WYCSshf6s
On the front page:
Trapped in the nest (Metro)
Existential expunging
On the day: 11/04/2012
On the day:
On the prussian blue fabric of a forward-facing seat, forgotten, one glove, black with tan half-moons at the end of the thumb and the forefinger and oozing existential potential.
But the cleaners will clear that up at the end of the line.
On the pod:
Babe - Styx http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBi61pgDUP8
On the front page:
Funeral Guest lost full of surprises (London Evening Standard)
On the day:
On the prussian blue fabric of a forward-facing seat, forgotten, one glove, black with tan half-moons at the end of the thumb and the forefinger and oozing existential potential.
But the cleaners will clear that up at the end of the line.
On the pod:
Babe - Styx http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBi61pgDUP8
On the front page:
Funeral Guest lost full of surprises (London Evening Standard)
Fast frozen
On the day: 11/04/2013
On the way:
"I think it's the Polar Express," yells the little blonde boy with the tiny red and black steam engine clutched in one hand.
The train shoots through the station, southbound, without looking back into the icy mist.
I rather hope he's right.
On the pod:
Bitter Suite - Marillion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_exwOYpywbs
On the front page:
NHS phone system 'is a chaotic mess' (Metro)
On the way:
"I think it's the Polar Express," yells the little blonde boy with the tiny red and black steam engine clutched in one hand.
The train shoots through the station, southbound, without looking back into the icy mist.
I rather hope he's right.
On the pod:
Bitter Suite - Marillion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_exwOYpywbs
On the front page:
NHS phone system 'is a chaotic mess' (Metro)
Night class
On the day:
08/04/2013
On the way:
Just cos you've got a smart suit, albeit with a pink tie and pinkerchief peeping out of your breast pocket don't mean you got class.
Incidentally, you make have it. But it's less likely if you have the boats at the end of your bandy masts beached on the seat in front of you, and you're gargling bubblegum with an open mouth to expedite the passage of mucus up your nasal tunnels in flagrant disregard for the force of gravity.
And greeting your mate on the other end of your mobile with an estuarine accented 'bonjourno' doesn't help. It's 9.15 at night.
On the pod:
Change Your Mind - The Killers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mg2U5Hw7RM
On the front page:
Woman killed in rush-hour cycle horror (London Evening Standard)
08/04/2013
On the way:
Just cos you've got a smart suit, albeit with a pink tie and pinkerchief peeping out of your breast pocket don't mean you got class.
Incidentally, you make have it. But it's less likely if you have the boats at the end of your bandy masts beached on the seat in front of you, and you're gargling bubblegum with an open mouth to expedite the passage of mucus up your nasal tunnels in flagrant disregard for the force of gravity.
And greeting your mate on the other end of your mobile with an estuarine accented 'bonjourno' doesn't help. It's 9.15 at night.
On the pod:
Change Your Mind - The Killers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mg2U5Hw7RM
On the front page:
Woman killed in rush-hour cycle horror (London Evening Standard)
Past your eyes
On the day:
29/03/2013
On the way:
The little lemon-yellow bakkie (um... ute... er... pickup ) zips by as the bus stops, its master's name simply inscribed on its flank - Glendale. A plant nursery, perhaps, or a dairy.
Which doesn't explain the big orange light on the cab's roof. Of course it's not flashing right now, it's to be used - in conjunction with an earsplitting siren - only in emergency.
"Quick, we've got a situation at the depot. The creme fraiche is on the turn."
"The devil, you say... Okay, I'm on my way."
Action stations.
"Okay boys, this is what we trained for. Get into the dinky lemon-yellow van, whack on the siren and don't spare the horses."
On the pod:
Slow Down - Natalie Imbruglia http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z4UtbU6nWY
29/03/2013
On the way:
The little lemon-yellow bakkie (um... ute... er... pickup ) zips by as the bus stops, its master's name simply inscribed on its flank - Glendale. A plant nursery, perhaps, or a dairy.
Which doesn't explain the big orange light on the cab's roof. Of course it's not flashing right now, it's to be used - in conjunction with an earsplitting siren - only in emergency.
"Quick, we've got a situation at the depot. The creme fraiche is on the turn."
"The devil, you say... Okay, I'm on my way."
Action stations.
"Okay boys, this is what we trained for. Get into the dinky lemon-yellow van, whack on the siren and don't spare the horses."
On the pod:
Slow Down - Natalie Imbruglia http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z4UtbU6nWY
Captain Fantastic
On the day: 27/03/2013
On the way:
He stands beside his bright red post cart, a brief respite from his daily round, sipping from a can of Fanta, its bubbly orangeness reviving him for the next stage of his journey.
He's a good bloke, our postie, always a firm smile, a cheerful wave and a twinkle of bright blue eyes for people he recognises on his route.
But Fanta? You think you know a guy...
On the pod:
Fool For The Taking - Gin Blossoms
On the front page:
Killed by a pack of 'mad dogs' (Metro)
On the way:
He stands beside his bright red post cart, a brief respite from his daily round, sipping from a can of Fanta, its bubbly orangeness reviving him for the next stage of his journey.
He's a good bloke, our postie, always a firm smile, a cheerful wave and a twinkle of bright blue eyes for people he recognises on his route.
But Fanta? You think you know a guy...
On the pod:
Fool For The Taking - Gin Blossoms
On the front page:
Killed by a pack of 'mad dogs' (Metro)
A red breast on it
On the day:
20/03/2013
On the way:
First of spring, my cold and hairy foot (the image of a Scandinavian hobbit springs to mind, but the alternative term is considerably less warming). It's still chilly, snow threatens some areas, even the dilly daffs on the green sward have had the sense not to show their faces en masse yet - and some years you'll see mobs of the buggers beaming out over patches of snow in February.
And the train is cancelled.
Then again, as I leave the station to consider some alternate means of transport, I am greeted by a cheery robin, red-breasted, on his rounds.
"See," he reminds me. "There's always something to smile about."
On the pod:
Backs Of Butterflies - Sound Of Guns http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z24ej-8d67c
On the front page: Things can only get bitter (London Evening Standard)
20/03/2013
On the way:
First of spring, my cold and hairy foot (the image of a Scandinavian hobbit springs to mind, but the alternative term is considerably less warming). It's still chilly, snow threatens some areas, even the dilly daffs on the green sward have had the sense not to show their faces en masse yet - and some years you'll see mobs of the buggers beaming out over patches of snow in February.
And the train is cancelled.
Then again, as I leave the station to consider some alternate means of transport, I am greeted by a cheery robin, red-breasted, on his rounds.
"See," he reminds me. "There's always something to smile about."
On the pod:
Backs Of Butterflies - Sound Of Guns http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z24ej-8d67c
On the front page: Things can only get bitter (London Evening Standard)
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