On the day:
19/08/2013
On the way:
Sort of on the way. The bus is not moving and the man in the green T-shirt is reasoning with the driver. Reasoning, you say?
Well, he seems to have been at it a while and has long since abandoned the objective discourse of apoplectic, waving his bottle of Lucozade around and pounding his plosives like Kevin Pietersen faciing full-toss under-arm water bombs from Shane Warne, each utterance a fresh detonation of spittle, blood and bile.
In the course of stating his case he declaims: "You can call the police I don't care."
He presents his point of view: "There's only one person being stupid on this bus and that's you. %¿¥@ing €¡¥@head."
He discloses personal motivations: "I only want to go to the hospital to see my sick daughter." (fair enough, that's sure to put anyone on edge)
He appeals to the gallery: "I made the lady he was having an argument with get off the bus and he still won't go."
He outlines potential outcomes: "Just wait till I see you on the road you little pussy or what."
And, noting that the driver has said not a word in response but sat silently staring forward from the safety of his reinforced plastic/glass booth (surely the fact that he has nothing to say in his defence is a de facto admissio.n of guilt), closes: "QED."
Or, more accurately, he spots the next bus and steams off in righteous fury and unsatisfied frustration, leaving the apparently unmoved driver to go on about his day.
On the pod:
Pompeii - Bastille http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F90Cw4l-8NY
On the front page:
New warning over legal Twitter trap (Metro)
Saturday 24 August 2013
Sunday 18 August 2013
See what I'm saying?
On the day:
16/08/2013
On the way:
She gesticulates eloquently; a long forefinger describes shapes in the air in front of her, at the end of a undulating pork sausage arm her wrist flexes and extends, then returns to her ample bosom to emphasise the toothy grimaces that colour her conversation.
With her phone.
On the pod:
Wat Kyk Jy - Die Antwoord http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkq2_VSaQoY
On the front page:
Cameron targets migrant benefits in EU reform talks (The Times)
16/08/2013
On the way:
She gesticulates eloquently; a long forefinger describes shapes in the air in front of her, at the end of a undulating pork sausage arm her wrist flexes and extends, then returns to her ample bosom to emphasise the toothy grimaces that colour her conversation.
With her phone.
On the pod:
Wat Kyk Jy - Die Antwoord http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkq2_VSaQoY
On the front page:
Cameron targets migrant benefits in EU reform talks (The Times)
Worm and cosy
On the day:
16/08/2013
On the way:
It's an early bus. Perhaps not technically early, not in the running for first the worm but earlier than lights-out last night would have chosen.
There's a man wearing a midnight blue synthetic fabric trousers, a sturdy, weather-resistant jacket and cosy brown moccasin-style slip-ons - they're slippers, okay, slippers in all but name - ruthlessly obliterating an Egg McMuffin. Tastier than the first worm. Perhaps.
My eyes close and I feel the sleep rising from my chest and up into my throat . . .
On the pod:
Bite Hard - Franz Ferdinand http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM3yfTE070k
On the front page:
DLT: 12 Sex charges (Metro)
16/08/2013
On the way:
It's an early bus. Perhaps not technically early, not in the running for first the worm but earlier than lights-out last night would have chosen.
There's a man wearing a midnight blue synthetic fabric trousers, a sturdy, weather-resistant jacket and cosy brown moccasin-style slip-ons - they're slippers, okay, slippers in all but name - ruthlessly obliterating an Egg McMuffin. Tastier than the first worm. Perhaps.
My eyes close and I feel the sleep rising from my chest and up into my throat . . .
On the pod:
Bite Hard - Franz Ferdinand http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM3yfTE070k
On the front page:
DLT: 12 Sex charges (Metro)
Take a bow
On the day:
14/08/2013
On the way:
Red-brown leather shoes shimmy down the escalator, their owners upright and trim in a shirt of Italian azure, a waistcoat of French mustard and a neat haircut in boyish blond. But step ball change, there's more, a stripey bow tie in shiny shades of blue.
Fab-u-lous.
It's like Nicky Byrne never left Strictly.
On the pod:
It Doesn't Have To Be This Way - The Blow Monkeys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_ra8X_8waA
On the front page:
South 'cheated' in fares hike (The Times)
14/08/2013
On the way:
Red-brown leather shoes shimmy down the escalator, their owners upright and trim in a shirt of Italian azure, a waistcoat of French mustard and a neat haircut in boyish blond. But step ball change, there's more, a stripey bow tie in shiny shades of blue.
Fab-u-lous.
It's like Nicky Byrne never left Strictly.
On the pod:
It Doesn't Have To Be This Way - The Blow Monkeys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_ra8X_8waA
On the front page:
South 'cheated' in fares hike (The Times)
Hands up, naughty boy
On the day:
14/08/2013
On the way:
No. No huge and wholesome-looking young man neatly filling out your box-fresh, dove grey tracksuit, you are not going to have phone sex on your hands-free while sitting on the train.
Oh dear, you are, aren't you.
On the pod:
Polmont On My Mind - Glasvegas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwJW3JxbIjI
On the front page:
4% rail rise 'is just doing your bit' (Metro)
14/08/2013
On the way:
No. No huge and wholesome-looking young man neatly filling out your box-fresh, dove grey tracksuit, you are not going to have phone sex on your hands-free while sitting on the train.
Oh dear, you are, aren't you.
On the pod:
Polmont On My Mind - Glasvegas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwJW3JxbIjI
On the front page:
4% rail rise 'is just doing your bit' (Metro)
Up to no good
On the day:
11/08/2013
On the way:
'What's up Mickey?' runs across the tip of the red T-shirt, '?yekciM pu s'tahW' across the bottom.
What indeed?
By the startled look on the face of the eponymouse in the centre of the shirt, he's not so sure himself.
On the pod:
Cutt Off - Kasabian http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKDBOB6UWKo
On the front page:
Surge in first-time buyers drives up property prices (The Times)
11/08/2013
On the way:
'What's up Mickey?' runs across the tip of the red T-shirt, '?yekciM pu s'tahW' across the bottom.
What indeed?
By the startled look on the face of the eponymouse in the centre of the shirt, he's not so sure himself.
On the pod:
Cutt Off - Kasabian http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKDBOB6UWKo
On the front page:
Surge in first-time buyers drives up property prices (The Times)
Delight and soul
On the day:
09/08/2013
On the way:
Oh he's delighted. Delighted with himself.
Just moments ago he delivered his gag with Seventies stand-up aplomb: "So what's your handicap?"
"Eight," responds the young man.
"Mine's drinking," sputters the garrulous gent. And performs the international sign for "drink" with a familiar turn of the wrist, just to be clear.
Pink lipped, moist mouthed, he holds court on the carriage. He's the life and soul, quick to laugh - at his own jokes. To be fair, he's not alone.
His stop rolls up, he announces the evening's entertainment to his audience, then: "Shift and drift, here we go." He claps his hands and runs pink fingers through greying, slightly greasy hair.
"It's going to be a long journey," he nods genially at those he leaves behind, and exits in a flurry of friendship - leaving what's left of the trip to drag.
No one likes a smart arse who everyone likes.
On the pod:
Separate And Ever Deadly - The Last Shadow Puppets http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxOFNY6pBN4
On the front page:
Troll death website offers to name girl's tormentors (The Times)
09/08/2013
On the way:
Oh he's delighted. Delighted with himself.
Just moments ago he delivered his gag with Seventies stand-up aplomb: "So what's your handicap?"
"Eight," responds the young man.
"Mine's drinking," sputters the garrulous gent. And performs the international sign for "drink" with a familiar turn of the wrist, just to be clear.
Pink lipped, moist mouthed, he holds court on the carriage. He's the life and soul, quick to laugh - at his own jokes. To be fair, he's not alone.
His stop rolls up, he announces the evening's entertainment to his audience, then: "Shift and drift, here we go." He claps his hands and runs pink fingers through greying, slightly greasy hair.
"It's going to be a long journey," he nods genially at those he leaves behind, and exits in a flurry of friendship - leaving what's left of the trip to drag.
No one likes a smart arse who everyone likes.
On the pod:
Separate And Ever Deadly - The Last Shadow Puppets http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxOFNY6pBN4
On the front page:
Troll death website offers to name girl's tormentors (The Times)
Fit for festive purpose
On the day:
08/08/2013
On the way:
Indomitable. His head twitches, a tic on top of his safety checks, under its matt black helmet, behind his aviator shades.
But the road is his. Skinny legs pedal rhythmically, black gloves clutch the handlebars at the end of scrawny arms, a long white beard clings resolutely to the lean face.
And that, children, is how does Santa stays in shape in summer.
On the pod:
Don't Give Up Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc
On the front page:
Condemned to die by 'surgeon's lies' (Metro)
08/08/2013
On the way:
Indomitable. His head twitches, a tic on top of his safety checks, under its matt black helmet, behind his aviator shades.
But the road is his. Skinny legs pedal rhythmically, black gloves clutch the handlebars at the end of scrawny arms, a long white beard clings resolutely to the lean face.
And that, children, is how does Santa stays in shape in summer.
On the pod:
Don't Give Up Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc
On the front page:
Condemned to die by 'surgeon's lies' (Metro)
Scent to try us
On the day:
06/08/2013
On the way:
Just because no-one is sitting next to the big bloke with the white hair and the dark eyebrows dozing on the back seat in the mustard striped T-shirt and off-black sweat pants doesn't mean he smells a bit.
Just because he's nodding between peaceful sleep and baleful gazes at the passing traffic doesn't mean he's troubled.
He starts to speak, to no one in particular: "Eventually someone has to wipe out. In the name of God ... but I don't believe it ... In the name of justice ..."
My nostrils start to twitch.
On the pod:
My Own Way - Duran Duran http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUrIDz6L5vc
On the front page:
Owners of killer dogs could face life in jail (Metro)
06/08/2013
On the way:
Just because no-one is sitting next to the big bloke with the white hair and the dark eyebrows dozing on the back seat in the mustard striped T-shirt and off-black sweat pants doesn't mean he smells a bit.
Just because he's nodding between peaceful sleep and baleful gazes at the passing traffic doesn't mean he's troubled.
He starts to speak, to no one in particular: "Eventually someone has to wipe out. In the name of God ... but I don't believe it ... In the name of justice ..."
My nostrils start to twitch.
On the pod:
My Own Way - Duran Duran http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUrIDz6L5vc
On the front page:
Owners of killer dogs could face life in jail (Metro)
Aww spit
On the day:
05/08/2013
On the way:
What hope is there when a tall, elegant woman in a floral dress pauses before boarding the bus, glances down, and spouts to a mouthful of spit onto the pavement?
Not much, actually.
On the pod:
Let's Go Back To School - Don Broco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlPKd1tlr4A
On the front page:
Thousands stop tweeting but sexist threats go on (The Times)
05/08/2013
On the way:
What hope is there when a tall, elegant woman in a floral dress pauses before boarding the bus, glances down, and spouts to a mouthful of spit onto the pavement?
Not much, actually.
On the pod:
Let's Go Back To School - Don Broco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlPKd1tlr4A
On the front page:
Thousands stop tweeting but sexist threats go on (The Times)
Dumb cluck
On the day:
05/08/2013
On the way:
"So are you going to Nando's?" the dude in the spectacles asks the couple beside him. Then smirks, "Oh no, 'cos you're vegetarians."
Chuckle.
Which is when the gigantic scaly foot crashes through the roof and crushes him flat against the platform.
Seems even chickens loathe a smart arse.
On the pod:
Valentine's Day - ABC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It9xWOg-LcI
On the front page:
More voters confident economy is recovering (The Times)
05/08/2013
On the way:
"So are you going to Nando's?" the dude in the spectacles asks the couple beside him. Then smirks, "Oh no, 'cos you're vegetarians."
Chuckle.
Which is when the gigantic scaly foot crashes through the roof and crushes him flat against the platform.
Seems even chickens loathe a smart arse.
On the pod:
Valentine's Day - ABC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It9xWOg-LcI
On the front page:
More voters confident economy is recovering (The Times)
The new black
On the day:
05/08/2013
On the way:
Four black cabs in a row - one red, one blue and white, one a metallic seagrass shed green. And one black.
Political correctness reaches its ultimate destination, welcome to cosmopolitan London.
On the pod:
Breathing - Andy Bell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqj5xdejdtM
On the front page:
1m workers now on zero-hours contracts (Metro)
05/08/2013
On the way:
Four black cabs in a row - one red, one blue and white, one a metallic seagrass shed green. And one black.
Political correctness reaches its ultimate destination, welcome to cosmopolitan London.
On the pod:
Breathing - Andy Bell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqj5xdejdtM
On the front page:
1m workers now on zero-hours contracts (Metro)
Limited pot ential
On the day:
02/08/2013
On the. way: The boy hoodie's slight 5'5" frame flops into the back seat, hunching over an Adidas bag and kicking up an invisible cloud of that distinctive spicy scent.
What kind of home pervades a child with a scent so strong? For shame. For shame. He'll be an involuntary addict by the time he's 15, his intellectual impetus slowed, his limitless potential, um, limited.
He turns his head, showing a bit of beard, a few laugh lines.
Well, that stuff can stunt your growth, you know.
On the pod:
Farewell To The Fairground - White Lies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ0AFriC7ZM
On the front page:
Banks take £18bn hit over PPI sales fiasco (The Times)
02/08/2013
On the. way: The boy hoodie's slight 5'5" frame flops into the back seat, hunching over an Adidas bag and kicking up an invisible cloud of that distinctive spicy scent.
What kind of home pervades a child with a scent so strong? For shame. For shame. He'll be an involuntary addict by the time he's 15, his intellectual impetus slowed, his limitless potential, um, limited.
He turns his head, showing a bit of beard, a few laugh lines.
Well, that stuff can stunt your growth, you know.
On the pod:
Farewell To The Fairground - White Lies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ0AFriC7ZM
On the front page:
Banks take £18bn hit over PPI sales fiasco (The Times)
Saturday 3 August 2013
Cool as a coconut
On the day:
01/08/2013
On the way:
They come out on a sunny summer Thursday at lunchtime. Stone steps, seating and swards swarm with bodies like aphids on a rose bush, bright and busy variations on themes. Stocky in skirts and sandals, sweaty in polo shirts and slacks, blue City shirts with open collars.
Except for the bloke with the short, silver dreads, the burgundy suit and the two-tone brogues, drinking deeply from a carton of coconut water (more potassium than bananas and retains its temperature for a long time if you've had it in the fridge, says Laura as she takes the final step on the flight down off the bridge).
There's a kind of cool that can't be measured in Celcius.
On the pod: See The New Hong Kong - Josie Cotton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjkaU22ooZc
On the front page: Scandal of the little boy starved to death (The Times)
01/08/2013
On the way:
They come out on a sunny summer Thursday at lunchtime. Stone steps, seating and swards swarm with bodies like aphids on a rose bush, bright and busy variations on themes. Stocky in skirts and sandals, sweaty in polo shirts and slacks, blue City shirts with open collars.
Except for the bloke with the short, silver dreads, the burgundy suit and the two-tone brogues, drinking deeply from a carton of coconut water (more potassium than bananas and retains its temperature for a long time if you've had it in the fridge, says Laura as she takes the final step on the flight down off the bridge).
There's a kind of cool that can't be measured in Celcius.
On the pod: See The New Hong Kong - Josie Cotton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjkaU22ooZc
On the front page: Scandal of the little boy starved to death (The Times)
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