On the day:
11/09/2013
On the way:
What the . . . ? Crikey! What's happening to me? I can't understand a word people are saying on the bus. Why can't I understand a word people are saying on the bus? I've lost the power to understand a word people are saying . . .
Oh, I'm back in Lewisham. That makes sense.
Clot.
On the pod:
Bitchin' Camaro - The Dead Milkmen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v3CzvQ9e_w
On the front page:
Miliband blinks first in union stand-off
Saturday 21 September 2013
Fluster clot
On the day:
10/09/2013
On the way:
The 28's doors close but one commuter is still hurtling hell for leather along the pavement.
He pops out of the peripheral into windscreen view, patting it in polite desperation, then bursts through the reopened doors in a fluster of suited and booted bathroom freshness and says . . . "Merci"
Merci? Merci? Where does he think he is?
"Geneva," says Jean.
Oh yeah. That rocks
"Clot."
On the pod:
Say Goodbye To It All - Chris De Burgh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBKV0vShvdc
On the front page:
Le Boyaume-Uni chasse en terres lemaniques (Tribune de Geneve)
10/09/2013
On the way:
The 28's doors close but one commuter is still hurtling hell for leather along the pavement.
He pops out of the peripheral into windscreen view, patting it in polite desperation, then bursts through the reopened doors in a fluster of suited and booted bathroom freshness and says . . . "Merci"
Merci? Merci? Where does he think he is?
"Geneva," says Jean.
Oh yeah. That rocks
"Clot."
On the pod:
Say Goodbye To It All - Chris De Burgh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBKV0vShvdc
On the front page:
Le Boyaume-Uni chasse en terres lemaniques (Tribune de Geneve)
Crikey clot
On the day:
09/09/2013
On the way:
What the . . .? Crikey! What's happening to me? I can't understand a word people are saying on the bus. Why can't I understand a word people are saying on the bus? I've lost my power to understand a word people are saying on the . . .
"You're in Geneva" says Jean.
Oh yeah, Geneva. That rocks
"Clot"
On the pod:
Little Talks - Of Monsters And Men http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghb6eDopW8I
On the front page:
Le Congres etasunien vote sous pression (Le Courrier)
09/09/2013
On the way:
What the . . .? Crikey! What's happening to me? I can't understand a word people are saying on the bus. Why can't I understand a word people are saying on the bus? I've lost my power to understand a word people are saying on the . . .
"You're in Geneva" says Jean.
Oh yeah, Geneva. That rocks
"Clot"
On the pod:
Little Talks - Of Monsters And Men http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghb6eDopW8I
On the front page:
Le Congres etasunien vote sous pression (Le Courrier)
Blobby clot
On the day:
06/09/2013
On the way:
Nine rows ahead, protruding above the headrest, a huge pink plastic orb with a few black scrapes here and there. Presumably sustained as Mr Blobby bashed his head on his way through the doorway of the plane. "It's the cello," says Jean.
Oh yeah, the cello. That rocks.
"Clot"
At the airpod:
Your Love Alone (Is Not Enough) - Manic Street Preachers and Nina Persson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_OnFHJou4o
On the front page:
06/09/2013
On the way:
Nine rows ahead, protruding above the headrest, a huge pink plastic orb with a few black scrapes here and there. Presumably sustained as Mr Blobby bashed his head on his way through the doorway of the plane. "It's the cello," says Jean.
Oh yeah, the cello. That rocks.
"Clot"
At the airpod:
Your Love Alone (Is Not Enough) - Manic Street Preachers and Nina Persson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_OnFHJou4o
On the front page:
Rocking the classic
On the day:
06/09/2013
On the way:
Is there anything cooler than a guitar strapped, fretboard-downpointed, Springsteen-style, across their back? Classic.
How 'bout a slim, dark-bobbed babe stepping away from the check-in desk with a cello in a pale pink plastic case on her shoulders? That rocks.
On the pod:
Born To Run - Frankie Goes To Hollywood http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTStMImOtuU
On the front page:
Corrie 'rape' star: I'm fighting for my life (Metro)
06/09/2013
On the way:
Is there anything cooler than a guitar strapped, fretboard-downpointed, Springsteen-style, across their back? Classic.
How 'bout a slim, dark-bobbed babe stepping away from the check-in desk with a cello in a pale pink plastic case on her shoulders? That rocks.
On the pod:
Born To Run - Frankie Goes To Hollywood http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTStMImOtuU
On the front page:
Corrie 'rape' star: I'm fighting for my life (Metro)
I can't get no shampoo
On the day:
05/09/2013
On the day:
Scrawny and slightly grubby with limp strands of greasy grey hair sliding out from under his baseball cap, his beak is hooked and his cheeks collapsed, like the emaciated cousin of Keith Richards.
His fingers may be knotty and gnarled from decades of chopping out undying riffs, but they are sunk deep in the pockets of jeans in a shade that could have been anyone's guess whenever they were made. But his T-shirt, friends, says Dolce & Gabbana, possibly yellow and green.
Well a gentleman's got to take a bit of pride.
On the pod:
Stars Of CCTV - Hard-Fi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL89ooZwesQ
On the front page:
05/09/2013
On the day:
Scrawny and slightly grubby with limp strands of greasy grey hair sliding out from under his baseball cap, his beak is hooked and his cheeks collapsed, like the emaciated cousin of Keith Richards.
His fingers may be knotty and gnarled from decades of chopping out undying riffs, but they are sunk deep in the pockets of jeans in a shade that could have been anyone's guess whenever they were made. But his T-shirt, friends, says Dolce & Gabbana, possibly yellow and green.
Well a gentleman's got to take a bit of pride.
On the pod:
Stars Of CCTV - Hard-Fi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL89ooZwesQ
On the front page:
Wednesday 4 September 2013
Sunshine superman
On the day:
03/09/2013
On the way:
The clouds are low but the air is close but there's a ray of sunshine coming my way. Golden balls bowling over the bridge, all lanky limbs, like a dervish dancing across a saffron drying floor.
It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunshiny day.
On the pod:
Driving - Pearl Harbour and the Explosions http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4nYl2U5GTg
On the front page:
Dawn of the £100m football superstar (London Evening Standard)
On the topic: http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2338706266680316274#editor/target=post;postID=217165865550608440;onPublishedMenu=posts;onClosedMenu=posts;postNum=26;src=link
03/09/2013
On the way:
The clouds are low but the air is close but there's a ray of sunshine coming my way. Golden balls bowling over the bridge, all lanky limbs, like a dervish dancing across a saffron drying floor.
It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunshiny day.
On the pod:
Driving - Pearl Harbour and the Explosions http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4nYl2U5GTg
On the front page:
Dawn of the £100m football superstar (London Evening Standard)
On the topic: http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2338706266680316274#editor/target=post;postID=217165865550608440;onPublishedMenu=posts;onClosedMenu=posts;postNum=26;src=link
Delegate distinction
On the day:
03/09/2013
On the way:
On a bench he sits watching the boats in the dock, dressed soberlt in a black shirt and trousers, on a lanyard round his neck a label that reads,'delegate'. So I hand him my work pass and direct him to my workstation on the fifth floor.
On the pod:
Every Day - Buddy Holly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty31QY5ZGHo
On the front page:
US leaves 'unreliable' British out in the cold (The Times)
03/09/2013
On the way:
On a bench he sits watching the boats in the dock, dressed soberlt in a black shirt and trousers, on a lanyard round his neck a label that reads,'delegate'. So I hand him my work pass and direct him to my workstation on the fifth floor.
On the pod:
Every Day - Buddy Holly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty31QY5ZGHo
On the front page:
US leaves 'unreliable' British out in the cold (The Times)
Tue blue
On the day:
03/09/2013
On the way:
The kid has an apple in one sticky paw and in the other, two snared smurfs, uncomfortable but thanking their smurfy stars that it doesn't belong to Azrael.
I dunno, I might be shouting for the cat
On the pod:
Maneaters (Get Off The Road) - Josie Cotton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMhge2o5FF0
On the front page:
Corrie star 'raped girl as she held teddy bear' (Metro)
03/09/2013
On the way:
The kid has an apple in one sticky paw and in the other, two snared smurfs, uncomfortable but thanking their smurfy stars that it doesn't belong to Azrael.
I dunno, I might be shouting for the cat
On the pod:
Maneaters (Get Off The Road) - Josie Cotton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMhge2o5FF0
On the front page:
Corrie star 'raped girl as she held teddy bear' (Metro)
Tuesday 3 September 2013
Degrees of cool
On the day:
02/09/2013
On the way:
When the midday sun scorches the double-decker roof red, and hot air rises to the upper level, what you really need is a towelling face cloth to wipe the sweat from your brow.
And for a few more degrees of cool, you'll hang it out of the back pocket of your looow-slung, skinny, charcoal black jeans, and colour match with your turquoise trainers.
Like the gentleman who has just hobbled by.
On the pod:
King And Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A76a_LNIYwE
On the front page:
If at first you don't get C . . . try, try again (Metro)
02/09/2013
On the way:
When the midday sun scorches the double-decker roof red, and hot air rises to the upper level, what you really need is a towelling face cloth to wipe the sweat from your brow.
And for a few more degrees of cool, you'll hang it out of the back pocket of your looow-slung, skinny, charcoal black jeans, and colour match with your turquoise trainers.
Like the gentleman who has just hobbled by.
On the pod:
King And Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A76a_LNIYwE
On the front page:
If at first you don't get C . . . try, try again (Metro)
Sunday 1 September 2013
The B at bus stop 23
On the day:
31/08/2013
On the way:
Either he's dancing, the young man bouncing from foot to foot in front of the couple on the bus station bench, or he has a bee in his shoe.
"I'm not shy . . ." he explains.
On the pod:
Blues For Louise - Piet Botha
On the front page:
31/08/2013
On the way:
Either he's dancing, the young man bouncing from foot to foot in front of the couple on the bus station bench, or he has a bee in his shoe.
"I'm not shy . . ." he explains.
On the pod:
Blues For Louise - Piet Botha
On the front page:
Mo is less
On the day:
29/08/2013
On the way:
Neatly dressed in charcoal jeans and a shirt subtly striped to give the impression of grey (let's overlook the open shirt button that reveals the green and black band of his underwear).
Dark blue eyes gaze absently out at the evening traffic; lofty cheekbones support a gentle face topped with a blond quiff.
But somewhere between the brown paper bag clutched in his left hand and the solitary strip of facial hair on his upper lip, you know he's going home alone tonight.
On the pod:
The Promise - When In Rome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HI_xFQWiYU
On the front page:
Cameron forced to retreat on Syria vote (The Times)
29/08/2013
On the way:
Neatly dressed in charcoal jeans and a shirt subtly striped to give the impression of grey (let's overlook the open shirt button that reveals the green and black band of his underwear).
Dark blue eyes gaze absently out at the evening traffic; lofty cheekbones support a gentle face topped with a blond quiff.
But somewhere between the brown paper bag clutched in his left hand and the solitary strip of facial hair on his upper lip, you know he's going home alone tonight.
On the pod:
The Promise - When In Rome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HI_xFQWiYU
On the front page:
Cameron forced to retreat on Syria vote (The Times)
The mummay lives
On the day:
28/08/2013
On the way:
The kid with the profusion of brown curls (Postman Pat T-shirt, charcoal grey sweat pants, black velcro strap trainers with leaf-green stripes): "Mummay, Mummay, that lady."
Mummay (a child on either side and one in a belly covered by a white ridged T-shirt, a thin dove-grey cardie and a blue and white striped canvas bag): "Yes, she's getting off the bus . . ."
Short haired blond boy (Ben 10 T-shirt, dark grey sweat pants and light grey trainers with black swoosh and lime grey laces, caressing a bottle of chocolate Yazoo milk shake): "Mu-um, d'you think you are you allowed to drink on the bus"
Mu-um: "I'm sure you are. . ."
Curly, pointing at passing traffic: "Mummay, Mummay, that car."
Mummay: "I saw. I think that was actually a bike . . ."
Shortcut, measuring up his plastic bottle with his forefinger and thumb: "Mu-um, how many inches is that?"
Mu-um: "Well I'm not sure about five?"
(Oi, don't snigger, it's not that kind of story.)
Curly: "Mummay, Mummay, that car"
"Yes, there are lots of cars, aren't there?"
"Mu-um , what's that man doing?"
"That's a policeman. I expect he's . . . "
"Mummay, Mummay . . ."
"Mu-um . . ."
She answers every query, patient and involved, a world away (and, well, considerably more than five inches) from the one near the front of the bus threatening dire consequences should her offspring fail to "shu' uhp". "Mummay, Mummay, that hat"
"Yes, that's Batman"
And seeing to their education. Making the hardest job in the world look easy.
On the pod:
Feel - Donna Destri and Fred Schneider http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYWKgUopWRM
On the front page:
Syria: It could be war within days (Metro)
28/08/2013
On the way:
The kid with the profusion of brown curls (Postman Pat T-shirt, charcoal grey sweat pants, black velcro strap trainers with leaf-green stripes): "Mummay, Mummay, that lady."
Mummay (a child on either side and one in a belly covered by a white ridged T-shirt, a thin dove-grey cardie and a blue and white striped canvas bag): "Yes, she's getting off the bus . . ."
Short haired blond boy (Ben 10 T-shirt, dark grey sweat pants and light grey trainers with black swoosh and lime grey laces, caressing a bottle of chocolate Yazoo milk shake): "Mu-um, d'you think you are you allowed to drink on the bus"
Mu-um: "I'm sure you are. . ."
Curly, pointing at passing traffic: "Mummay, Mummay, that car."
Mummay: "I saw. I think that was actually a bike . . ."
Shortcut, measuring up his plastic bottle with his forefinger and thumb: "Mu-um, how many inches is that?"
Mu-um: "Well I'm not sure about five?"
(Oi, don't snigger, it's not that kind of story.)
Curly: "Mummay, Mummay, that car"
"Yes, there are lots of cars, aren't there?"
"Mu-um , what's that man doing?"
"That's a policeman. I expect he's . . . "
"Mummay, Mummay . . ."
"Mu-um . . ."
She answers every query, patient and involved, a world away (and, well, considerably more than five inches) from the one near the front of the bus threatening dire consequences should her offspring fail to "shu' uhp". "Mummay, Mummay, that hat"
"Yes, that's Batman"
And seeing to their education. Making the hardest job in the world look easy.
On the pod:
Feel - Donna Destri and Fred Schneider http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYWKgUopWRM
On the front page:
Syria: It could be war within days (Metro)
Saturday 24 August 2013
Apopleps now
On the day:
19/08/2013
On the way:
Sort of on the way. The bus is not moving and the man in the green T-shirt is reasoning with the driver. Reasoning, you say?
Well, he seems to have been at it a while and has long since abandoned the objective discourse of apoplectic, waving his bottle of Lucozade around and pounding his plosives like Kevin Pietersen faciing full-toss under-arm water bombs from Shane Warne, each utterance a fresh detonation of spittle, blood and bile.
In the course of stating his case he declaims: "You can call the police I don't care."
He presents his point of view: "There's only one person being stupid on this bus and that's you. %¿¥@ing €¡¥@head."
He discloses personal motivations: "I only want to go to the hospital to see my sick daughter." (fair enough, that's sure to put anyone on edge)
He appeals to the gallery: "I made the lady he was having an argument with get off the bus and he still won't go."
He outlines potential outcomes: "Just wait till I see you on the road you little pussy or what."
And, noting that the driver has said not a word in response but sat silently staring forward from the safety of his reinforced plastic/glass booth (surely the fact that he has nothing to say in his defence is a de facto admissio.n of guilt), closes: "QED."
Or, more accurately, he spots the next bus and steams off in righteous fury and unsatisfied frustration, leaving the apparently unmoved driver to go on about his day.
On the pod:
Pompeii - Bastille http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F90Cw4l-8NY
On the front page:
New warning over legal Twitter trap (Metro)
19/08/2013
On the way:
Sort of on the way. The bus is not moving and the man in the green T-shirt is reasoning with the driver. Reasoning, you say?
Well, he seems to have been at it a while and has long since abandoned the objective discourse of apoplectic, waving his bottle of Lucozade around and pounding his plosives like Kevin Pietersen faciing full-toss under-arm water bombs from Shane Warne, each utterance a fresh detonation of spittle, blood and bile.
In the course of stating his case he declaims: "You can call the police I don't care."
He presents his point of view: "There's only one person being stupid on this bus and that's you. %¿¥@ing €¡¥@head."
He discloses personal motivations: "I only want to go to the hospital to see my sick daughter." (fair enough, that's sure to put anyone on edge)
He appeals to the gallery: "I made the lady he was having an argument with get off the bus and he still won't go."
He outlines potential outcomes: "Just wait till I see you on the road you little pussy or what."
And, noting that the driver has said not a word in response but sat silently staring forward from the safety of his reinforced plastic/glass booth (surely the fact that he has nothing to say in his defence is a de facto admissio.n of guilt), closes: "QED."
Or, more accurately, he spots the next bus and steams off in righteous fury and unsatisfied frustration, leaving the apparently unmoved driver to go on about his day.
On the pod:
Pompeii - Bastille http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F90Cw4l-8NY
On the front page:
New warning over legal Twitter trap (Metro)
Sunday 18 August 2013
See what I'm saying?
On the day:
16/08/2013
On the way:
She gesticulates eloquently; a long forefinger describes shapes in the air in front of her, at the end of a undulating pork sausage arm her wrist flexes and extends, then returns to her ample bosom to emphasise the toothy grimaces that colour her conversation.
With her phone.
On the pod:
Wat Kyk Jy - Die Antwoord http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkq2_VSaQoY
On the front page:
Cameron targets migrant benefits in EU reform talks (The Times)
16/08/2013
On the way:
She gesticulates eloquently; a long forefinger describes shapes in the air in front of her, at the end of a undulating pork sausage arm her wrist flexes and extends, then returns to her ample bosom to emphasise the toothy grimaces that colour her conversation.
With her phone.
On the pod:
Wat Kyk Jy - Die Antwoord http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkq2_VSaQoY
On the front page:
Cameron targets migrant benefits in EU reform talks (The Times)
Worm and cosy
On the day:
16/08/2013
On the way:
It's an early bus. Perhaps not technically early, not in the running for first the worm but earlier than lights-out last night would have chosen.
There's a man wearing a midnight blue synthetic fabric trousers, a sturdy, weather-resistant jacket and cosy brown moccasin-style slip-ons - they're slippers, okay, slippers in all but name - ruthlessly obliterating an Egg McMuffin. Tastier than the first worm. Perhaps.
My eyes close and I feel the sleep rising from my chest and up into my throat . . .
On the pod:
Bite Hard - Franz Ferdinand http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM3yfTE070k
On the front page:
DLT: 12 Sex charges (Metro)
16/08/2013
On the way:
It's an early bus. Perhaps not technically early, not in the running for first the worm but earlier than lights-out last night would have chosen.
There's a man wearing a midnight blue synthetic fabric trousers, a sturdy, weather-resistant jacket and cosy brown moccasin-style slip-ons - they're slippers, okay, slippers in all but name - ruthlessly obliterating an Egg McMuffin. Tastier than the first worm. Perhaps.
My eyes close and I feel the sleep rising from my chest and up into my throat . . .
On the pod:
Bite Hard - Franz Ferdinand http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM3yfTE070k
On the front page:
DLT: 12 Sex charges (Metro)
Take a bow
On the day:
14/08/2013
On the way:
Red-brown leather shoes shimmy down the escalator, their owners upright and trim in a shirt of Italian azure, a waistcoat of French mustard and a neat haircut in boyish blond. But step ball change, there's more, a stripey bow tie in shiny shades of blue.
Fab-u-lous.
It's like Nicky Byrne never left Strictly.
On the pod:
It Doesn't Have To Be This Way - The Blow Monkeys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_ra8X_8waA
On the front page:
South 'cheated' in fares hike (The Times)
14/08/2013
On the way:
Red-brown leather shoes shimmy down the escalator, their owners upright and trim in a shirt of Italian azure, a waistcoat of French mustard and a neat haircut in boyish blond. But step ball change, there's more, a stripey bow tie in shiny shades of blue.
Fab-u-lous.
It's like Nicky Byrne never left Strictly.
On the pod:
It Doesn't Have To Be This Way - The Blow Monkeys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_ra8X_8waA
On the front page:
South 'cheated' in fares hike (The Times)
Hands up, naughty boy
On the day:
14/08/2013
On the way:
No. No huge and wholesome-looking young man neatly filling out your box-fresh, dove grey tracksuit, you are not going to have phone sex on your hands-free while sitting on the train.
Oh dear, you are, aren't you.
On the pod:
Polmont On My Mind - Glasvegas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwJW3JxbIjI
On the front page:
4% rail rise 'is just doing your bit' (Metro)
14/08/2013
On the way:
No. No huge and wholesome-looking young man neatly filling out your box-fresh, dove grey tracksuit, you are not going to have phone sex on your hands-free while sitting on the train.
Oh dear, you are, aren't you.
On the pod:
Polmont On My Mind - Glasvegas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwJW3JxbIjI
On the front page:
4% rail rise 'is just doing your bit' (Metro)
Up to no good
On the day:
11/08/2013
On the way:
'What's up Mickey?' runs across the tip of the red T-shirt, '?yekciM pu s'tahW' across the bottom.
What indeed?
By the startled look on the face of the eponymouse in the centre of the shirt, he's not so sure himself.
On the pod:
Cutt Off - Kasabian http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKDBOB6UWKo
On the front page:
Surge in first-time buyers drives up property prices (The Times)
11/08/2013
On the way:
'What's up Mickey?' runs across the tip of the red T-shirt, '?yekciM pu s'tahW' across the bottom.
What indeed?
By the startled look on the face of the eponymouse in the centre of the shirt, he's not so sure himself.
On the pod:
Cutt Off - Kasabian http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKDBOB6UWKo
On the front page:
Surge in first-time buyers drives up property prices (The Times)
Delight and soul
On the day:
09/08/2013
On the way:
Oh he's delighted. Delighted with himself.
Just moments ago he delivered his gag with Seventies stand-up aplomb: "So what's your handicap?"
"Eight," responds the young man.
"Mine's drinking," sputters the garrulous gent. And performs the international sign for "drink" with a familiar turn of the wrist, just to be clear.
Pink lipped, moist mouthed, he holds court on the carriage. He's the life and soul, quick to laugh - at his own jokes. To be fair, he's not alone.
His stop rolls up, he announces the evening's entertainment to his audience, then: "Shift and drift, here we go." He claps his hands and runs pink fingers through greying, slightly greasy hair.
"It's going to be a long journey," he nods genially at those he leaves behind, and exits in a flurry of friendship - leaving what's left of the trip to drag.
No one likes a smart arse who everyone likes.
On the pod:
Separate And Ever Deadly - The Last Shadow Puppets http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxOFNY6pBN4
On the front page:
Troll death website offers to name girl's tormentors (The Times)
09/08/2013
On the way:
Oh he's delighted. Delighted with himself.
Just moments ago he delivered his gag with Seventies stand-up aplomb: "So what's your handicap?"
"Eight," responds the young man.
"Mine's drinking," sputters the garrulous gent. And performs the international sign for "drink" with a familiar turn of the wrist, just to be clear.
Pink lipped, moist mouthed, he holds court on the carriage. He's the life and soul, quick to laugh - at his own jokes. To be fair, he's not alone.
His stop rolls up, he announces the evening's entertainment to his audience, then: "Shift and drift, here we go." He claps his hands and runs pink fingers through greying, slightly greasy hair.
"It's going to be a long journey," he nods genially at those he leaves behind, and exits in a flurry of friendship - leaving what's left of the trip to drag.
No one likes a smart arse who everyone likes.
On the pod:
Separate And Ever Deadly - The Last Shadow Puppets http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxOFNY6pBN4
On the front page:
Troll death website offers to name girl's tormentors (The Times)
Fit for festive purpose
On the day:
08/08/2013
On the way:
Indomitable. His head twitches, a tic on top of his safety checks, under its matt black helmet, behind his aviator shades.
But the road is his. Skinny legs pedal rhythmically, black gloves clutch the handlebars at the end of scrawny arms, a long white beard clings resolutely to the lean face.
And that, children, is how does Santa stays in shape in summer.
On the pod:
Don't Give Up Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc
On the front page:
Condemned to die by 'surgeon's lies' (Metro)
08/08/2013
On the way:
Indomitable. His head twitches, a tic on top of his safety checks, under its matt black helmet, behind his aviator shades.
But the road is his. Skinny legs pedal rhythmically, black gloves clutch the handlebars at the end of scrawny arms, a long white beard clings resolutely to the lean face.
And that, children, is how does Santa stays in shape in summer.
On the pod:
Don't Give Up Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjEq-r2agqc
On the front page:
Condemned to die by 'surgeon's lies' (Metro)
Scent to try us
On the day:
06/08/2013
On the way:
Just because no-one is sitting next to the big bloke with the white hair and the dark eyebrows dozing on the back seat in the mustard striped T-shirt and off-black sweat pants doesn't mean he smells a bit.
Just because he's nodding between peaceful sleep and baleful gazes at the passing traffic doesn't mean he's troubled.
He starts to speak, to no one in particular: "Eventually someone has to wipe out. In the name of God ... but I don't believe it ... In the name of justice ..."
My nostrils start to twitch.
On the pod:
My Own Way - Duran Duran http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUrIDz6L5vc
On the front page:
Owners of killer dogs could face life in jail (Metro)
06/08/2013
On the way:
Just because no-one is sitting next to the big bloke with the white hair and the dark eyebrows dozing on the back seat in the mustard striped T-shirt and off-black sweat pants doesn't mean he smells a bit.
Just because he's nodding between peaceful sleep and baleful gazes at the passing traffic doesn't mean he's troubled.
He starts to speak, to no one in particular: "Eventually someone has to wipe out. In the name of God ... but I don't believe it ... In the name of justice ..."
My nostrils start to twitch.
On the pod:
My Own Way - Duran Duran http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUrIDz6L5vc
On the front page:
Owners of killer dogs could face life in jail (Metro)
Aww spit
On the day:
05/08/2013
On the way:
What hope is there when a tall, elegant woman in a floral dress pauses before boarding the bus, glances down, and spouts to a mouthful of spit onto the pavement?
Not much, actually.
On the pod:
Let's Go Back To School - Don Broco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlPKd1tlr4A
On the front page:
Thousands stop tweeting but sexist threats go on (The Times)
05/08/2013
On the way:
What hope is there when a tall, elegant woman in a floral dress pauses before boarding the bus, glances down, and spouts to a mouthful of spit onto the pavement?
Not much, actually.
On the pod:
Let's Go Back To School - Don Broco http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlPKd1tlr4A
On the front page:
Thousands stop tweeting but sexist threats go on (The Times)
Dumb cluck
On the day:
05/08/2013
On the way:
"So are you going to Nando's?" the dude in the spectacles asks the couple beside him. Then smirks, "Oh no, 'cos you're vegetarians."
Chuckle.
Which is when the gigantic scaly foot crashes through the roof and crushes him flat against the platform.
Seems even chickens loathe a smart arse.
On the pod:
Valentine's Day - ABC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It9xWOg-LcI
On the front page:
More voters confident economy is recovering (The Times)
05/08/2013
On the way:
"So are you going to Nando's?" the dude in the spectacles asks the couple beside him. Then smirks, "Oh no, 'cos you're vegetarians."
Chuckle.
Which is when the gigantic scaly foot crashes through the roof and crushes him flat against the platform.
Seems even chickens loathe a smart arse.
On the pod:
Valentine's Day - ABC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It9xWOg-LcI
On the front page:
More voters confident economy is recovering (The Times)
The new black
On the day:
05/08/2013
On the way:
Four black cabs in a row - one red, one blue and white, one a metallic seagrass shed green. And one black.
Political correctness reaches its ultimate destination, welcome to cosmopolitan London.
On the pod:
Breathing - Andy Bell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqj5xdejdtM
On the front page:
1m workers now on zero-hours contracts (Metro)
05/08/2013
On the way:
Four black cabs in a row - one red, one blue and white, one a metallic seagrass shed green. And one black.
Political correctness reaches its ultimate destination, welcome to cosmopolitan London.
On the pod:
Breathing - Andy Bell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqj5xdejdtM
On the front page:
1m workers now on zero-hours contracts (Metro)
Limited pot ential
On the day:
02/08/2013
On the. way: The boy hoodie's slight 5'5" frame flops into the back seat, hunching over an Adidas bag and kicking up an invisible cloud of that distinctive spicy scent.
What kind of home pervades a child with a scent so strong? For shame. For shame. He'll be an involuntary addict by the time he's 15, his intellectual impetus slowed, his limitless potential, um, limited.
He turns his head, showing a bit of beard, a few laugh lines.
Well, that stuff can stunt your growth, you know.
On the pod:
Farewell To The Fairground - White Lies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ0AFriC7ZM
On the front page:
Banks take £18bn hit over PPI sales fiasco (The Times)
02/08/2013
On the. way: The boy hoodie's slight 5'5" frame flops into the back seat, hunching over an Adidas bag and kicking up an invisible cloud of that distinctive spicy scent.
What kind of home pervades a child with a scent so strong? For shame. For shame. He'll be an involuntary addict by the time he's 15, his intellectual impetus slowed, his limitless potential, um, limited.
He turns his head, showing a bit of beard, a few laugh lines.
Well, that stuff can stunt your growth, you know.
On the pod:
Farewell To The Fairground - White Lies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ0AFriC7ZM
On the front page:
Banks take £18bn hit over PPI sales fiasco (The Times)
Saturday 3 August 2013
Cool as a coconut
On the day:
01/08/2013
On the way:
They come out on a sunny summer Thursday at lunchtime. Stone steps, seating and swards swarm with bodies like aphids on a rose bush, bright and busy variations on themes. Stocky in skirts and sandals, sweaty in polo shirts and slacks, blue City shirts with open collars.
Except for the bloke with the short, silver dreads, the burgundy suit and the two-tone brogues, drinking deeply from a carton of coconut water (more potassium than bananas and retains its temperature for a long time if you've had it in the fridge, says Laura as she takes the final step on the flight down off the bridge).
There's a kind of cool that can't be measured in Celcius.
On the pod: See The New Hong Kong - Josie Cotton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjkaU22ooZc
On the front page: Scandal of the little boy starved to death (The Times)
01/08/2013
On the way:
They come out on a sunny summer Thursday at lunchtime. Stone steps, seating and swards swarm with bodies like aphids on a rose bush, bright and busy variations on themes. Stocky in skirts and sandals, sweaty in polo shirts and slacks, blue City shirts with open collars.
Except for the bloke with the short, silver dreads, the burgundy suit and the two-tone brogues, drinking deeply from a carton of coconut water (more potassium than bananas and retains its temperature for a long time if you've had it in the fridge, says Laura as she takes the final step on the flight down off the bridge).
There's a kind of cool that can't be measured in Celcius.
On the pod: See The New Hong Kong - Josie Cotton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjkaU22ooZc
On the front page: Scandal of the little boy starved to death (The Times)
Saturday 27 July 2013
Lying eyes
On the day: 26/07/2013
On the way: You know when you walk up the aisle of the bus and come face to face with a woman wearing thick false eyelashes and her eyes are closed but she has staring green eyeballs tattooed on her eyelids but then you realise that her eyes are actually open and unblinking and she has a smear of mascara a thumb's width directly below each eye, and you're not sure which is more disturbing?
I do.
On the pod: Me Wanting You - John Fullbright http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtQu2qATIlo
On the front page: Welby's assault on moneylenders falls into pension trap (The Times)
On the way: You know when you walk up the aisle of the bus and come face to face with a woman wearing thick false eyelashes and her eyes are closed but she has staring green eyeballs tattooed on her eyelids but then you realise that her eyes are actually open and unblinking and she has a smear of mascara a thumb's width directly below each eye, and you're not sure which is more disturbing?
I do.
On the pod: Me Wanting You - John Fullbright http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtQu2qATIlo
On the front page: Welby's assault on moneylenders falls into pension trap (The Times)
Benefiting from a door
On the day: 03/07/2013
On the way: The sign reads, 'DEEP, SEXY, UNDERGROUND HOUSE' but it hasn't got the estate agent's contact number.
On the pod: Hurricane - MS MR http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sj684zcmzw
On the front page:
'Stop' laws biased and a waste of police time (Metro)
On the way: The sign reads, 'DEEP, SEXY, UNDERGROUND HOUSE' but it hasn't got the estate agent's contact number.
On the pod: Hurricane - MS MR http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sj684zcmzw
On the front page:
'Stop' laws biased and a waste of police time (Metro)
It's a mini Avon chewer
On the day:
17/06/2013
On the way.
Her red hair startles straight upwards, her left hand is flat, side-on, thumb to the top, extended in the intergalactic gesture for "TRUTH".
"She's destroyed my house, she's chewed through everthing, she's destroyed my furniture..."
The Avon lady, one must presume. Haven't we all been there?
On the pod:
Liberation - Pet Shop Boys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbTjfv4xdm0
On the front page:
Nigella 'moves out after Saatchi attack' (Metro)
17/06/2013
On the way.
Her red hair startles straight upwards, her left hand is flat, side-on, thumb to the top, extended in the intergalactic gesture for "TRUTH".
"She's destroyed my house, she's chewed through everthing, she's destroyed my furniture..."
The Avon lady, one must presume. Haven't we all been there?
On the pod:
Liberation - Pet Shop Boys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbTjfv4xdm0
On the front page:
Nigella 'moves out after Saatchi attack' (Metro)
Powers of deduction
On the day:
06/06/2013
On the way: Girl: "... and she literally never wears the same thing twice."
Boy (let's call him Hercule): "Hmm, she must go shopping on a regular basis..."
On the pod: I Feed You My Love - Margaret Berger http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgGiBRj0yns
On the front page:
Minorities told: your culture is no defence (The Times)
06/06/2013
On the way: Girl: "... and she literally never wears the same thing twice."
Boy (let's call him Hercule): "Hmm, she must go shopping on a regular basis..."
On the pod: I Feed You My Love - Margaret Berger http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgGiBRj0yns
On the front page:
Minorities told: your culture is no defence (The Times)
Tin drums
On the day: 06/06/2013
On the way: Her head bobs under its sky blue and white New York peak cap, to the music rattling from her mobile.
"Smoke the reefer," she sings along, "oh."
Her trainers tap on the seat in front of her. Her baggy sky blue tracksuit bottoms, worn well below her waist, are Nike, her matching sky-blue hoodie Adidas, her matching dark ringed, sky-blue eyes all her own.
She chews on her lip ring as a practised thumb flicks to the next track. Tinny riddims phump and her companion, the woman beside her, raises an amused eyebrow.
She turns her head, indignant, revealing the name tattooed on her neck.
"Wha? It's not my fault its loud."
On the pod: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MeMeCI3dhA
On the front page: Jacko's girl tries 'to kill herself' (Metro)
On the way: Her head bobs under its sky blue and white New York peak cap, to the music rattling from her mobile.
"Smoke the reefer," she sings along, "oh."
Her trainers tap on the seat in front of her. Her baggy sky blue tracksuit bottoms, worn well below her waist, are Nike, her matching sky-blue hoodie Adidas, her matching dark ringed, sky-blue eyes all her own.
She chews on her lip ring as a practised thumb flicks to the next track. Tinny riddims phump and her companion, the woman beside her, raises an amused eyebrow.
She turns her head, indignant, revealing the name tattooed on her neck.
"Wha? It's not my fault its loud."
On the pod: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MeMeCI3dhA
On the front page: Jacko's girl tries 'to kill herself' (Metro)
Oh what a thing to do
On the day: 29/05/2013
On the way: Six-foot something of flailing elbows and swinging legs strides purposely across the bridge and it was all yellow. Yolk-yellow shorts, canary T-shirt, dirty yellow plimsolls, ankle-socks faded to lemon and clunky plastic headphones to match the shorts, and all to contrast with the tinted goggle-glasses.
And with the flat grey spring skies that lie low above the proud towers.
On the pod: Everything Means Something - Pet Shop Boys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rElCWJmqehE
On the front page: Lib Dems 'thwart terror Bill' (The Times)
On the way: Six-foot something of flailing elbows and swinging legs strides purposely across the bridge and it was all yellow. Yolk-yellow shorts, canary T-shirt, dirty yellow plimsolls, ankle-socks faded to lemon and clunky plastic headphones to match the shorts, and all to contrast with the tinted goggle-glasses.
And with the flat grey spring skies that lie low above the proud towers.
On the pod: Everything Means Something - Pet Shop Boys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rElCWJmqehE
On the front page: Lib Dems 'thwart terror Bill' (The Times)
Pick of the mix
On the day:
27/05/2013
On the way:
Along with the black skinny jeans and the purple fleecy hoodie there's the Eye of Horus pendant, the chunky forest green pendant bead, the chunky khaki pendant bead, the Joy Division T-shirt, the Pantera button badges, the Vauxhall mascot button badges, the Morten Harket strips of cloth round his wrists and the Curtis Stigers curls escaping to his shoulders from his large, black, dreadlock-strength beanie - huge, you'd have to call it a bean.
He's a pop cultural pick-and-mix.
But I pick the battered bag and its collage of comic book covers on which the invincible Iron Man faces the savage Sub-Mariner, the amazing Spider-Man saves an 'innocent child' and Cyclops and Marvel Girl battle for their lives in the blue area of the moon.
On the pod:
This Love (Will Be Your Downfall - Ellie Goulding http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wSl9l1-GQ0
On the front page: May sparks row with call to save 'snooper's charter' (The Times)
27/05/2013
On the way:
Along with the black skinny jeans and the purple fleecy hoodie there's the Eye of Horus pendant, the chunky forest green pendant bead, the chunky khaki pendant bead, the Joy Division T-shirt, the Pantera button badges, the Vauxhall mascot button badges, the Morten Harket strips of cloth round his wrists and the Curtis Stigers curls escaping to his shoulders from his large, black, dreadlock-strength beanie - huge, you'd have to call it a bean.
He's a pop cultural pick-and-mix.
But I pick the battered bag and its collage of comic book covers on which the invincible Iron Man faces the savage Sub-Mariner, the amazing Spider-Man saves an 'innocent child' and Cyclops and Marvel Girl battle for their lives in the blue area of the moon.
On the pod:
This Love (Will Be Your Downfall - Ellie Goulding http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wSl9l1-GQ0
On the front page: May sparks row with call to save 'snooper's charter' (The Times)
Foot lucker
On the day: 27/05/2013
On the way: The right shoe is blue, the left red.
Wacky, no? What is she like? Ker -ray-zee.
Ah, but there's method in this madness, in this carriage of red and blue Crystal Palace strips on the way to Wembley for the Premiership play-off. And the shoes are for luck.
Sometimes it really does work.
On the pod: Master And Servant - Depeche Mode http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxaIGvI6Y8Q
On the front page:
On the way: The right shoe is blue, the left red.
Wacky, no? What is she like? Ker -ray-zee.
Ah, but there's method in this madness, in this carriage of red and blue Crystal Palace strips on the way to Wembley for the Premiership play-off. And the shoes are for luck.
Sometimes it really does work.
On the pod: Master And Servant - Depeche Mode http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxaIGvI6Y8Q
On the front page:
September semaphore
On the day:
23/05/2013
On the way:
Her name is September, Late September, and she's been celebrating.
With good reason. Red and white striped flags read 'Just Married' and, where pennants once fluttered, balloons bob in purple, pink, light blue and white - a little deflated.
But let's not see that as a metaphor.
On the pod:
Locust - A-Ha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhqbMLmfCBo
On the front page:
Soldier hacked to death in London terror attack (The Times)
23/05/2013
On the way:
Her name is September, Late September, and she's been celebrating.
With good reason. Red and white striped flags read 'Just Married' and, where pennants once fluttered, balloons bob in purple, pink, light blue and white - a little deflated.
But let's not see that as a metaphor.
On the pod:
Locust - A-Ha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhqbMLmfCBo
On the front page:
Soldier hacked to death in London terror attack (The Times)
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Rod and staff
On the day:
20/05/2013
On the way:
She's got him on a tight leash, the inquisitive young staffie, black and sleek as a sealion fresh from a morning dip, and the doorway of a busy bus is bursting with intriguing odours and ankles...
"Stop it. C'mere."
She's having none of it, eventually. They're off to the back of the bus.
"C'mon." The leash has no more give. Perhaps it's time to behave.
"Get down." Perhaps not.
"Mika, get down. I'm not even joking."
Crikey. Now you know she means business.
On the pod:
Everything Means Something - Pet Shop Boys
On the front page:
Football stars' father on sex charge (London Evening Standard)
20/05/2013
On the way:
She's got him on a tight leash, the inquisitive young staffie, black and sleek as a sealion fresh from a morning dip, and the doorway of a busy bus is bursting with intriguing odours and ankles...
"Stop it. C'mere."
She's having none of it, eventually. They're off to the back of the bus.
"C'mon." The leash has no more give. Perhaps it's time to behave.
"Get down." Perhaps not.
"Mika, get down. I'm not even joking."
Crikey. Now you know she means business.
On the pod:
Everything Means Something - Pet Shop Boys
On the front page:
Football stars' father on sex charge (London Evening Standard)
Rub of the purple
On the day:
20/05/2013
On the way:
She twitches at the bus stop, her long blonde ponytail flicking. She shuffles her feet and rubs the sides of her breasts through her personalised West Ham United replica top. For luck?
The bus arrives and she's last to board. It appears something's amiss.
"Cos she never 'ad no change, did she?"
Hey, who's telling this story, me or you, old lady in the seat behind me?
Anyroad, short story shorter, the bus is held up for a few minutes, maybe a few more - the swarthy staffie snuffling around the exit door proves a distraction - as she hitches up her faded magenta jeans and trots from newsagent to laundrette to newsagent in search of the relevant coins, then returns and off we go. So, success of sorts for her.
Plus, West Ham have had a decent season and secured Premiership football for another season.
Hmm.
I pull on my Tottenham Hotspur beanie and lift my hands to my man boobs...
On the pod:
Stay The Night - Green Day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjQoWfstQUU
On the front page:
Tory rebels set to inflict new defeat on Cameron (The Times)
20/05/2013
On the way:
She twitches at the bus stop, her long blonde ponytail flicking. She shuffles her feet and rubs the sides of her breasts through her personalised West Ham United replica top. For luck?
The bus arrives and she's last to board. It appears something's amiss.
"Cos she never 'ad no change, did she?"
Hey, who's telling this story, me or you, old lady in the seat behind me?
Anyroad, short story shorter, the bus is held up for a few minutes, maybe a few more - the swarthy staffie snuffling around the exit door proves a distraction - as she hitches up her faded magenta jeans and trots from newsagent to laundrette to newsagent in search of the relevant coins, then returns and off we go. So, success of sorts for her.
Plus, West Ham have had a decent season and secured Premiership football for another season.
Hmm.
I pull on my Tottenham Hotspur beanie and lift my hands to my man boobs...
On the pod:
Stay The Night - Green Day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjQoWfstQUU
On the front page:
Tory rebels set to inflict new defeat on Cameron (The Times)
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